I saw you in a dream I made up: so handsome, so debonair.
I like to imagine that it’s true to life.
I hugged you close, your raspy cheek against my own.
Your bloodshot, ‘I’m so ill’ eyes clouding over and there is something dark in them…
Now, I do not know if I imagine this so childishly; as though I am sixteen again and still enraptured by ideas of true love and forevers and yearning for things I knew were not for me; or if, after all, this is no imaginary attraction. Am I filling up the lines with in-betweens that were never written? Reading thoughts that were never thought at all?
You see, self doubt and I are cosy friends- we chat over cups of tea that are stone cold by the time we sip them; the heat gone out of them surely as it leaked out of our eyes and into the world, taking with it every confident thought; reducing my voice into less than sure, polite firmness replaced by question marks at every end.
An interrogative question is not the same as when it’s marked by a barely-there quaver in your voice.